I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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