Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
