last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
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