New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
