I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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