Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Semen is not good for contacts.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
