i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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