you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
