still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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