My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
