please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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