I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize