and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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