i don't like sucking hair
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
