I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
