I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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