Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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