My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
