Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
