A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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