Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She bit a glass in half.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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