the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
