I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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