is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
