good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
