Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
