1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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