so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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