I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
