Whod you bang
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
its liver damage thursday
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