I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
