His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
