someone threw a dead crab at me
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
