ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
