Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
