Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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