I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
