just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
