I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
