sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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