quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
