I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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