I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm always down for nudity.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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