3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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