They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
