Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
