You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
