Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Who died my cat blue again?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
