I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
