A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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