Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
