i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
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I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
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I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar