Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
