I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just want to make out with him forever
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us