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i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
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