We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.