Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
