Cold hands, warm shart.
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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