I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
