Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
