Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
