Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
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when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
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I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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