Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
wanna go halves on a baby?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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