And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
