the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Randomize
