It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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