we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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