I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
