I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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