I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend