Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.

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(248): Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace. http://tfl.nu/fcle

Replies (20) Good night (10651) Bad night (1248)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"

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(203): well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father" http://tfl.nu/5bjg

Replies (20) Good night (1219) Bad night (5653)
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(708): View more from Illinois

He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.

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(708): He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS. http://tfl.nu/pf4u

Replies (58) Good night (14924) Bad night (1697)
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(757): View more from Virginia

Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.

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(757): Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns. http://tfl.nu/p6ls

Replies (7) Good night (1018) Bad night (1709)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.

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(505): All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice. http://tfl.nu/9vs4

Replies (9) Good night (2805) Bad night (1111)
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(417): View more from Missouri

I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.

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(417): I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/6bqy

Replies (16) Good night (4917) Bad night (1038)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.

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(412): He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it. http://tfl.nu/j347

Replies (7) Good night (3023) Bad night (628)
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(207): View more from Maine

remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?

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(207): remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are? http://tfl.nu/u6le

Replies (6) Good night (2360) Bad night (679)
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(573): View more from Missouri

Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?

(636): View more from Missouri

Wtf did you do last night?

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(573): Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much? (636): Wtf did you do last night? http://tfl.nu/0xxc

Replies (12) Good night (1750) Bad night (691)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.

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(215): I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident. http://tfl.nu/6tc4

Replies (13) Good night (1643) Bad night (712)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.

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(860): How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex. http://tfl.nu/eztj

Replies (8) Good night (1981) Bad night (645)
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(256): View more from Alabama

i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?

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(256): i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime? http://tfl.nu/inlq

Replies (12) Good night (2203) Bad night (691)
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(613): View more from Ontario

She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!

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(613): She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved! http://tfl.nu/ke0j

Replies (6) Good night (1786) Bad night (556)
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(770): View more from Georgia

Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.

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(770): Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week. http://tfl.nu/3id8

Replies (1) Good night (824) Bad night (335)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.

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(423): I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax. http://tfl.nu/e9ya

Replies (10) Good night (628) Bad night (574)

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