Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(804): View more from Virginia

im drinking this country out of the recession.

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(804): im drinking this country out of the recession. http://tfl.nu/s99f

Replies (23) Good night (2125) Bad night (498)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.

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(609): shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look. http://tfl.nu/n3uw

Replies (16) Good night (4909) Bad night (789)
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(518): View more from New York

I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.

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(518): I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok. http://tfl.nu/zi5p

Replies (7) Good night (716) Bad night (3137)
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(540): View more from Virginia

The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!

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(540): The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!! http://tfl.nu/g9me

Replies (21) Good night (4251) Bad night (1395)
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(314): View more from Missouri

In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major

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(314): In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major http://tfl.nu/y5g5

Replies (18) Good night (1309) Bad night (5355)
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(303): View more from Colorado

How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend

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(303): How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend http://tfl.nu/ip7i

Replies (18) Good night (4532) Bad night (1151)
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(330): View more from Ohio

fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever

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(330): fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever http://tfl.nu/itin

Replies (11) Good night (5029) Bad night (1097)
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(269): View more from Michigan

They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring

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(269): They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring http://tfl.nu/up4a

Replies (4) Good night (1636) Bad night (732)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.

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(717): You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome. http://tfl.nu/k5p0

Replies (6) Good night (585) Bad night (2311)
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(831): View more from California

She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester

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(831): She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester http://tfl.nu/csr6

Replies (13) Good night (1592) Bad night (522)
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(314): View more from Missouri

I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him

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(314): I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him http://tfl.nu/o7zk

Replies (3) Good night (1010) Bad night (431)
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(708): View more from Illinois

They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.

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(708): They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me. http://tfl.nu/8o6m

Replies (3) Good night (1170) Bad night (365)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?

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(412): Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony? http://tfl.nu/xq89

Replies (4) Good night (717) Bad night (339)
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(708): View more from Illinois

I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.

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(708): I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask. http://tfl.nu/zz6r

Replies (7) Good night (1107) Bad night (472)
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(443): View more from Maryland

My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it

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(443): My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it http://tfl.nu/2q57

Replies (6) Good night (937) Bad night (251)

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