I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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