Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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