Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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