At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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