I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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