she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
