Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
